Warm Regards, David Kahn

Hey David,

Here is the edited version of your letter to the fans.  I left the track changes on the page, so you can see where the mistakes are and make sure you read them this time–don’t be lazy.  The comments are marked as K1-K10 and the complete comments are at the bottom of the page.

Your Editor

Dear Stanley Brewer,

member of the Timberwolves family[k1] , I’m pleased to share with you that we’ve hiredthe hiring of Kurt Rambis to beas our new head coach. The search was extensive and thorough,[k2] and I’m completely confident that Kurt is the right man to help us develop into a championship-caliber team. He’s Kurt played for Pat Riley and coached alongside Phil Jackson, arguably two of the[k3] three greatest coaches in NBA history. He is ready for this[k4] .

During my search for our next head coach, I identified three[k5] threshold issues that became the criteria I measured the candidates against[k6] . These are some cornerstone philosophies that will guide us the next few years and I wanted a coach that could aggressively execute against all three.

(1) I want our franchise to become the league leader in player development, and player development starts with the head coach[k7] .

(2) We will be a running, up-tempo team. Yes, there will be many instances when we will need to rely upon Al Jefferson and a halfcourt offense, but our identity will be fastbreak basketball.[k8]

(3) The minutes distributed to our young nucleus in the next two years must be done with an eye toward the big picture and not the short term[k9] .

With his vast experience in the NBA as a championship player and coach, Kurt has the ability to help lay the foundation for what we aim to be — NBA champions. He is, by all accounts, hard-working and a hands-on teacher. I know he will shape and mold our players to bring out the best in them.

As always, thank you for your support and passion. I’m looking forward to seeing you at Target Center this fall.[k10]

David Kahn
President, Basketball Operations

[k1]I think you are trying to tell the fan they are valued, instead of saying you’re valued.  Don’t worry I fixed it, so you don’t sound like a jackass.  Do you think anyone’s really going to buy it?

[k2]David, don’t remind the fans how long you dragged your feet on this. Are you sure, you’re not partially confident?  I’m kidding, but take out completely.

[k3]Who’s the third?

[k4]By saying you are confident in him, you are telling the fans that you feel he is ready.

[k5]Word check

[k6]A little repetitive and why two years, why not ten?

[k7]Sweet, so we’ll be the team that dates chicks for a good personality.

[k8]Isn’t he the best player?

[k9]Change these or else you’ll never fill the seats and delete the last paragraph–it’s already stated.

[k10]By the way, this letter convinced me to cancel my season tickets.



Filed under Timberwolves

9 responses to “Warm Regards, David Kahn

  1. bite

    You have to be kidding me, right? How can you read anything into a “draft” letter? Have you ever drafted a letter before? I re-write letters and emails several times a day…in fact I have re-written this response several times, as I am sure you re-wrote your comments. The only draft that is important is the final draft. Likely, an administrative assistant made the final edits, anyway.

    I usually enjoy comments by fans. Most discussion, even if negative, can be useful. However, your overall post and the subsequent adjustment comments k1-k10 is/are absurd and meaningless.

    Moreover, how you get to firing Kahn (article title) over a letter draft is ridiculous, no, make that assinine.

    Are you just writing to write? Who cares if you don’t like Kahn, anyway. I certainly don’t care, and no-one else should either. At least the guy is being bold. That is a breath of fresh air, alone.

    This is just plain arsed the biggest, dopiest piece of work (calling it “work” is a stretch, there are several other terms that probably are more applicable) I have ever read.

    As a Timberwolves fan, please, by all means cancel your tickets! If this is all it takes…we don’t need you or want you!?!?!

    • Kevin Finley

      Take it easy. This is a joke. The letter is real. The editorial notes were done by someone at Fire David Kahn. We did it, because there was a lot of mistakes. I think Kahn could use someone like us before stuff gets sent out.

      The comments couldn’t be that meaningless if you took the time to read the post and it got stuck in your head. We appreciate your comment and hope you continue reading.

      I would actually call it writing before I called it work, but who cares what I think. I’m a dope or the dopiest.

  2. SF

    he’s not an English teacher or a journalist, he’s a NBA GM. Who cares if he mispells every word along the way? As long as he keeps making the moves he’s been making–with the big picture in mind, I’m happy

    • minny

      SF- Are you kidding me??? “As long as he keeps making the moves he’s been making-with the big picture in mind, I’m happy”… You are nuts.

      I personally like the move he made for the 5th pick in the draft. Two proven vets for a guy who is going to be in Europe for 3 years. Oh wait–and then he drafts another PG with the 6th. And wait–he’s not done. And with the 18th pick another PG. I am still LMFAO. He thought the phone would be ringing off the hook for Rubio. Sorry bro–he got played. Your rookie GM sucks. You don’t see this type of BS from the elite teams. GO LAKERS!

      • Kevin Finley

        Nice work Minny. It is good to see someone look at the reality of the situation.

      • Tim Allen

        Um…problems with your reply:

        1. Rubio’s deal is only for two more years, with a substantially reduced buyout after this coming season, so where do you get 3 years?
        2. Kahn didn’t draft a 3rd point guard. Kahn traded the pick to Denver who told him to select Ty Lawson.
        3. The phone *was* ringing for Rubio – there was a reported deal of Battier/Brooks from Houston, for instance – but since Kahn has been consistent in his position not to trade him, other GMs gave up.
        4. Yeah, you don’t see BS from other teams…the Lakers swapped Ariza for Artest (who they gave a 5 year deal), traded away Toney Douglas who looks promising and gave Bynum a long, expensive extension. So much for team building…

      • Kevin Finley

        An offer of Battier/Brooks for Rubio is pretty much the same thing as no offer, because the Wolves would never trade Rubio for role players.

  3. jeff

    [k3] Ever heard of a guy named Auerbach?

    What a waste of a blog…

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