Here is the edited version of your letter to the fans. I left the track changes on the page, so you can see where the mistakes are and make sure you read them this time–don’t be lazy. The comments are marked as K1-K10 and the complete comments are at the bottom of the page.
Dear Stanley Brewer,
member of the Timberwolves family [k1] , I’m pleased to share with you that we’ve hired Kurt Rambis to be our new head coach. The search was extensive and thorough, [k2] and I’m completely confident that Kurt is the right man to help us develop into a championship-caliber team. Kurt played for Pat Riley and coached alongside Phil Jackson, arguably two of the[k3] three greatest coaches in NBA history. He is ready for this[k4] .
During my search for our next head coach, I identified three[k5]
threshold issues that became the criteria I measured the candidates against[k6] . These are some cornerstone philosophies that will guide us the next few years and I wanted a coach that could aggressively execute against all three.
(1) I want our franchise to become the league leader in player development, and player development starts with the head coach[k7] .
(2) We will be a running, up-tempo team. Yes, there will be many instances when we will need to rely upon Al Jefferson and a halfcourt offense, but our identity will be fastbreak basketball.[k8]
(3) The minutes distributed to our young nucleus in the next two years must be done with an eye toward the big picture and not the short term[k9] .
With his vast experience in the NBA as a championship player and coach, Kurt has the ability to help lay the foundation for what we aim to be — NBA champions. He is, by all accounts, hard-working and a hands-on teacher. I know he will shape and mold our players to bring out the best in them.
As always, thank you for your support and passion. I’m looking forward to seeing you at Target Center this fall.[k10]
President, Basketball Operations
I think you are trying to tell the fan they are valued, instead of saying you’re valued. Don’t worry I fixed it, so you don’t sound like a jackass. Do you think anyone’s really going to buy it?
[k2]David, don’t remind the fans how long you dragged your feet on this. Are you sure, you’re not partially confident? I’m kidding, but take out completely.
[k3]Who’s the third?
[k4]By saying you are confident in him, you are telling the fans that you feel he is ready.
[k6]A little repetitive and why two years, why not ten?
[k7]Sweet, so we’ll be the team that dates chicks for a good personality.
[k8]Isn’t he the best player?
[k9]Change these or else you’ll never fill the seats and delete the last paragraph–it’s already stated.
[k10]By the way, this letter convinced me to cancel my season tickets.